Building Confidence With Numbers (


I took a step away from writing about my crash course in Tinder dates to bring you a little bit of advice. Here’s another installment for the guys over at Menrule.Net. As always, go read the article at their site HERE or continue below.

Building Confidence With Numbers

It is a late autumn-like evening in Nashville. My dog, Jolene, and I are going for our late night walk around the neighborhood. I glance behind me and see an attractive woman coming up behind me. I think to myself, “Of course, I notice her when my road is right here”. I keep walking, convincing myself that continuing on one more street to gain a chance to talk to her is not creepy. So, Jolene and I skip that side-street and continue to the next one. Again, I turn back and see that she is walking much faster than I am. So, I slow my already unrushed gait and right before I come to the next street she passes me.

Now, I haven’t tried to talk to a woman since my last break-up and figured that I just forgot how to do it. I always think I’ll say the most absolute insane shit to a woman(I swear Pat in “Silver Linings Playbook” was based on me) and she will run away screaming. This, of course, is a completely unreasonable fear.

So, I take a breath, put my opening line in the chamber and fire, “I like your pants.”.

I like your pants? What? That is the best thing I could muster from the seemingly endless amounts of words and combinations of words I know? The inner-critic just lets me have it. He instantly starts giving me reasons as to why that was inappropriate and begins telling me how she will react and what she will say to reply and what I should have said and blah, blah, blah. I shut him up so I can follow up with something a bit better.

“As in I actually like them…and not in a weird, ‘pants’ pick-up line way.”

Immediately following the release of that sentence I regret not turning down the street I was going to and just going home. By now I would have been home, safe and sound, petting my dog on the couch watching some depressing documentary on the dropping of the atomic bomb in Bikini Atoll. Instead I am reeling over a seemingly idiotic statement(or two). She begins to speak and it stops all the voices waging war in my mind.

“Thanks. Not many people understand the snake-skin pattern jeans”, she says as she stops and turns around.

My mind sounds like a dial-tone. I can’t wrap my head around why this woman isn’t laughing in my face. She even sounds like she wants this interaction to continue. We share the general information about ourselves (career, school, weather, dog) which is followed by a pause of silence and of us looking into each other’s eyes.

And, there it is: confidence. Not confidence in the fact that she actually responded to me in a positive way, but, confidence that I finally put myself in a situation to be uncomfortable and turned down. This is the moment I would normally walk away without saying a thing and moments later wonder why I didn’t ask her for her number or at least say ‘bye’. Instead I do what I don’t usually do and that is ask for her number.

If it is awkward, who cares? If there is a stumble of nervousness, make a joke about it. If she does laugh in your face, laugh with her. There is nothing worse than always wondering “what-if”. Life is much too short to worry about how someone may receive what you are saying to them. It is also much too short to not take chances.

Go introduce yourself to a woman you may find attractive and interesting. If it goes well, ask to see her again. There is a good chance she will shoot you down. But, there is also a good chance that she won’t. Even if nothing comes out of that interaction the point is to get yourself comfortable taking risks. The more you risk the bigger the payoff. Plus, women find confidence really attractive.

Think about it. How many women have you seen as you nudged your friend saying to him, “Man, she’s hot. I should get her number”? Probably quite a few times. I am definitely guilty of it. All those times were opportunities you missed to possibly meet the woman of your dreams, have a wild night(or two), or even just make a new friend. After a while all of those times you wanted to do something but failed to add up in your psyche and leave you with those “what if”s. If you always put off doing the things you want then you are crowding your head with thoughts that have no substance of action behind them. Man, that is a bummer.

Be awkward. Be crazy. Be embarassed. Be brave. It is totally fine because it is you. Taking chances, coupled with the possibility of rejection, builds character and a better understanding of ourselves. A number (and maybe a date) here and there sounds like great collateral for getting to know ourselves a little more each time.

So, what came of me asking for that lady’s number? She gave it to me (of course). But, the next night on my drive home I saw her hand-in-hand with what I am assuming is her boyfriend. Needless to say, I never utilized that number.