To two, too. A letter to myself as Mr. Clart.
When I am half-way down the rabbit hole of self-denial I write letters to myself in hopes I climb out before I hit the bottom and continue digging. These letters are addressed to someone of a different name so I don’t feel as insane as I would if I used my own. Plus, I don’t think I’d listen to the advice I give myself if my name were in place. By using an alias I can agree with myself and encourage the fictional person to listen…or at least think about it. This in turn makes me consider what is said and put it into practice for myself.
To two, too.
Dear Mr. Clart;
I know exactly what is going to happen to you. You’re going to wind up wasting your talents and creations on a hole that you’re digging through some vital organs. No one needs to tell you that you do great things. You should just know it. The reason people think you are some kind of asshole is because you get sucked up in your self-misery that it’s the only thing you can absorb yourself in. So, you hold off on letting go. The next thing you will mess up is that crazy mind of yours. I see you tearing yourself apart from the inside out with your thoughts. Every time I see you it seems as if your eyes are always squinted in pain. Your mind is going to increase to so many thoughts a minute you will forget any and every thing short term. Maybe that’s why you’re stressing your mind out. Maybe you’re doing it to cause such a whirlpool of thoughts that the old one’s have already been pulled under and the new ones are just getting pulled in. The closer to the bottom, the faster they spin. You aren’t registering anything until that point. Near the bottom of a whirlpool is no place to live.
Mr. Clart, I do think you should think the world is made for you. Not only you, but definitely you. I know you’re unsure. I know you seem like you are misunderstood most of the time. Let them misunderstand you. That’s just part of who you are. You are the guy everyone misunderstands. Not because you are mean-spirited, but because you are the main character, the only character, in your own world you live in. I do see that look in your eyes when you step out of that world. It looks like you just stepped into the brightest day out of the darkest room. It’s nice to get out every once in a while, isn’t it? It’s also nice to leave those blinds open to let some light in. Maybe the light will help you see your own little world a little better.
I’m constantly rooting for you. Most of the time you don’t hear it. Mainly because you don’t want to hear it. You’re so much better here than you are there.
Thanks for listening,